I very often hear from people who tell me that they just aren't sure about staying married. I often hear things like "I just don't think I'm in love with my spouse anymore." Or, "I think that we are drifting apart." Or, "we have grown into two different people who just aren't compatible anymore." Of course, just walking away from your marriage can be heart wrenching. Often, you have shared things in your life - children, homes, responsibilities, etc. that can make this not so clear cut. And we haven't even yet mentioned all of the history, hopes, dreams, and promises between you.

At the end of the day, I think that most people who write to me are frustrated rather than finished. They don't really want to walk out on their spouse's. But, they don't know how to fix things either and they know for certain that they don't want to continue living this way. They don't want to keep walking through life in kind of a daze without any real connection, commitment, or the deep bond that they once shared and enjoyed. In the following article, I will offer five ways that you can stay commented when the spark begins to fade and the commitment comes into question.

Commit To Stay Put In The Marriage For A Defined Amount Of Time: I firmly believe that if one or both of you always have an exit strategy in the back of your mind, you're not going to be as successful in trying to work things out or reconcile. Talk with your spouse about both of you committing to taking any separation or divorce off of the table for a reasonable amount of time, which might be 6 months to a year at least. This will talk a lot of pressure off of you and will not make the situation seem so immediate or dire. With that said, just because you've given yourself a generous time line does not mean that you should not take immediate and definitive action. Things are not going to improve just because you hope they will. You have to take your hopes and wishes and make them happen through decisive action.

Ease Into The Heavy Issues And Consider Waiting To Tackle Huge Problems Until You Are Bonded Again: Many people will go about saving their marriage in a backward way. They will sort of shore themselves up for a long, hard won fight all in the name of saving the marriage. They will anticipate having to make huge sacrifices and making huge concessions. The problem with this is that no one is looking forward to this process. Both people have their guard up. This is not the atmosphere that is most conducive to getting a good outcome.

Before you put the cart in front of the horse, it's advisable to set things up so that the two of you are clicking and are closely bonded again. When you were first dating and issues (even big ones) came up, you likely brushed through them without much fanfare, right? This is because you didn't want to let anything get in the way of the positive pay off that you were receiving. So, if you can repeat this process and work with a stronger relationship, you'll often find that the major and big problems are not so problematic after all.

Try To Focus On The Positive Rather Than The Negative: Often when we hit a rough patch in our marriage, it is so easy to dwell on what's wrong. We tend to hyper focus on the fact that our spouse doesn't understand us or isn't giving us what we need. By the time we're done obsessing over what is wrong, we come away feeling as though we are in an awful situation that has no end in sight. Sometimes, if you can change your focus, you can also change your perception. Once your perceptions change, you generally become much more receptive to trying new things and being open to making things better.

Try To Make The Process Fun Rather Than Frustrating: Again, often when you hear people say that they need to "work" on their marriage, it sounds as if they are being sent to the gallows. Very few people look forward to this process (at least as it is presented to them.) There is nothing that says that you and your spouse have to shore yourselves up for a long and painful process. Take a look back at the sort of things that the two of you used to enjoy and incorporate things into your life. If you can make the process something that you don't mind doing, you're going to have much more success and you're not going to quit nearly as soon.

Settle For Small Victories At First: Often, things are going to feel a bit awkward initially. This is OK. Don't allow for this to make you stop the process. Don't set yourself up to get into a situation that is going to be very uncomfortable. For instance, some couples will schedule a "second honeymoon" when they are having trouble being in the same room for more than short amounts of time. Doing this is just inviting disappointment. You're much better off trying to go for a walk for a few times a week and then graduating to bigger and better things. You want to sort of ease into it so that each time you try new things, you come away feelings successful and like you want to repeat the process.

There was a time that I thought my marriage was truly at it's end. My husband seemed to have no interest whatsoever in saving our marriage, but I knew that I wasn't ready to give up for good. Thankfully, I decided to try one last thing, to give a little more, and to approach it from another angle (by focusing on my own time and efforts) and this eventually worked. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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